My Story

My life will forever be marked by the weight of my experience of living through childhood sexual abuse. It was a dark time in my life that I didn’t speak about with many until much later in life when I realized that there is healing power in telling my story and watching others find the courage to tell theirs.

When I was 14, I was removed from my home and placed in the custody of my sister. Growing up in my teens without either of my parents was alienating and isolating. I learned to use humor to deflect questions and I avoided anything that would lead me to feel the emotions that were raging inside of me. I found solace in over achievement. No one questioned if I was doing well inside if I performed well on the outside. But the scars of my past never truly left me. I carried the burden of trauma, abuse, abandonment, and rejection into my adulthood, which manifested into an eating disorder during my college years.

Healing is life long. It’s messy and it’s downright painful. As a teen and young adult, I never wanted to have a family, as the thought of passing on my pain and hurt was unbearable. However, God had other plans for me. I met my husband when I was 14 and was in complete denial that with each passing year, I was falling for him. We spent 7 years developing a deep, trusting friendship and then we finally said, “I do.” He has been the single greatest part of my healing here on earth.

Though I was content to just be married and childless, my heart started to change about starting a family. However, medically we were told that having children would be impossible. God works in the impossible situation. We have 7 children here on earth, and a few waiting for us in heaven. Each of our children has a unique and miraculous story, and we have been blessed beyond measure. Still, parenting has not come easy to me and I still have moments of raw, unhealed parts of me that come out. One thing I used to tell God is that I could continue to do this whole mom thing, but thank you God that you didn’t call me to be a special needs mom-I didn’t have the patience for that!

In 2018, our daughter with Down syndrome was born. To tell you that her surprise arrival came with a wealth of emotions is an understatement. I am so in love with every part of her, I’m fiercely protective, and I’m loud about how worthy she is. But I am constantly struggling with feelings of inadequacy and have to learn at hyper speed how to heal the unhealed parts of myself so that I can be everything she needs me to be. Her arrival brought a new level of learning, growth, and healing into our lives.

In addition to overcoming trauma and continuing my emotional healing journey, I’m also on a physical healing journey. Living with multiple sclerosis and other health issues has been a challenge, but I continue to press on. I am always learning new ways to nourish my body, adapt to the latest challenges, and to allow myself to rest.

My past may have shaped me, but it does not define me. I am a survivor, a fighter, and an overcomer. My story is not one of defeat, but of resilience and hope.